*   AMAZING COED SEX practices!
*   RETURN of JESUS CHRIST foretold!
*   SATANIC CULT recruits in public!
*   COMPUTER CHANGES DEAD ARISTOCRAT into CLOWN!
*   MIRACLE CURE  for HEMORRHOIDS!

 INTRODUCTION     --    GRAFFITI TEXTS & DRAWINGS    --     TOP TWENTY     --     LINKS

Almost all of the following graffiti were observed on desks in the main libraries at the University of California at Santa Barbara (UCSB) and at the University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA). Most were collected in the years 1979 and 1980. A smaller number were recorded in 1993. Locations or dates other than these are documented after the item.

There were more graffiti on the desks than I wanted to record, and more were recorded than would be reasonable to present here. This selection (about 950 items) is weighted toward what I find entertaining or interesting, but I have also tried  to present a representative sample of the subjects, motives and styles present. As a result, many items below express cruelty, hateful intolerance and criminal advocacy. If there is nothing here that offends you check your pulse. I find racism contemptible, and have actually under represented it. Still there are some highly objectionable items below that could disturb children.

At the end of the list I have given my choices for: (1) most entertaining, (2) most healthy, (3) most sick, (4) most weird, (5) best response and (6) best drawing. So you may wish to note your own selections and compare. In making these choices  I have considered only graffiti I think are original compositions, not copied items.  This also provides a Top Twenty for those who do not wish to read the full list.

All of my comments on the graffiti appear in brackets [like this]. A response to a graffito is preceded by "R:" as in "Knock, knock!  R: Who's there?".  The symbol "<" is used to signify a replacement of the prior word. The carrot "^" indicates an insertion. Thus "Mary had a (^ little) dog (< lamb)." In place of an illegible word(s) I use [?] or [??].  All attributions are preceded by "--", regardless of the original form, as in "To be or not to be. -- Shakespeare."   The original graffito or its responses may have been written in a vertical format. To save space a forward slash signifies advance to the line below, as in "Roses are red / Violets are blue."

I have classified the graffiti into 30 categories based on subject matter (art, despair, drugs, . . .) or form (advice & commands, announcements & proclamations, lists,  . . .). The list of  categories appears at the end of this introduction. Items are listed only once, so priority is given to some categories, usually those with the smaller number of members. The order of items within each category is close to random. To reduce scrolling, unrelated items may appear on the same line, separated by five or more blank spaces.

All drawings that were associated with graffiti listed here are documented, as are some drawings that had no text. This documentation always includes a brief verbal description of the drawing. In addition, many drawings were traced in 1979-80 and a few sketched in 1993. Sixty four of these images are provided on eight JPEG image files ( A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H). The following three examples illustrate conventions used for listing images.

     (1)  I love being alive. [PIC: Happy face]
     (2)  I drink, therefor I am. [PIC B-2b: Spoken by bearded man with "XX" on T-shirt.]
     (3)  (No text) [PIC E-1a: Demonic head - large]

In example (1) the text graffito "I love being alive" has an associated image with only a verbal description available. In example (2), clicking "B-2b" transfers to the B image file, and the reader finds the image associated with "I drink, therefor I am" in row 2, column b (a "2b" tag appears below it). Drawings are classified into the 30 categories of graffiti, usually depending on their associated text. Some, including most of  those without text (example 3), are placed together in the "Miscellaneous Drawings" category. .

I searched the following publications on graffiti for identical or related items.

Dundes, A. "Here I Sit -- A Study of American Latrinalia." Kroeber Anthr. Soc. Papers 34, 1966
Mockridge, N. The Scrawl of the Wild, Paperback Library, 1968
Reisner & Wechsler. Encyclopedia of Graffiti, Galahad Books, 1974
Yu & Yang. The Thinking Man's Graffiti, Timco, 1975
Shaw, Susanna. Women in the John, Carolyn Bean Assoc., 1978
Haan & Hammerstrom. Graffiti in the Pac Ten, Warner Books, 1981.

Matches are documented after the item with the source author and year. This provides many earlier dates and also reveals that some well known graffiti had prior forms (see for example "The earth sucks"). There are additional sources for graffiti recorded from 1970 - 1980 which may reveal other transitions. Graffiti often elicit responses, and a response to a traditional graffito may itself become traditional. Eventually the combination is seen the most often, and written in one hand. Examples include: "God is dead -- Nietzsche / Nietzsche is dead -- God," "Life is a bitch and then you die" and even "Disco Sucks" probably started as "Disco."

Using search engines I discovered that many of the items I had recorded were unattributed song lyrics or the names of obscure rock groups. These were placed in the "music" category. I have also documented cases in which the graffito came before its use in popular music.

Many graffiti are sufficiently novel that independent invention is unlikely ("I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"). Multiple appearances then imply the item has spread by copying, all from some initial innovation. In the documentation we estimate the following measures of this dispersion, using pound symbols as an abbreviation.

# - LOCAL     The graffito is seen more than once but only locally. For example, it may be the compulsive work of an individual ("I am the demon of love"), the work of a local group ("Endwahl"), or it may address only local circumstances ("Beaches rule valleys," "SCREWCLA").

## - DISPERSED     The graffito is observed in widely dispersed locations. By itself it motivates individuals to remember it and to write it elsewhere.  But it is rare enough that writers presume many in the audience for graffiti will not have seen it before ("Today is the tomorrow you wished for yesterday," "The only real women are in the frats").

### - INVASIVE     The item has become trite within the graffiti medium - few still write it because they think graffiti readers have already seen it ("Reality is for people who can't handle drugs," "Disco sucks"). It is so familiar that it supports graffiti substitutions ("Love is for people who can't handle loneliness") or parodies ("Sisco Ducks"). But the item is gaining new audiences by invading other media, such as bumper stickers, the spoken word, print, radio talk shows or television broadcasts. It may be on the way to becoming . . .

#### - PERVASIVE     The item has become pervasive in the culture and is frequent enough in speech and other media that people assume everyone is familiar with it. It has lost its identity as a graffito. To see it written does not imply the writer copied it - it can easily come to mind ("Make love, not war," "Sex, drugs and rock n roll," "Shit happens"). I often do NOT document this degree of dispersion since it would clutter comments with the obvious.

ADVICE & COMMANDS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Mean what you say / Say what you think / Think anything. [UCSB, calligraphic]
Be so nice on the outside / But inside keep ambition.        Live to die smiling.        Kill yourself.
No more super races, except Pygmies.       Everything you know is wrong. [# UCLA, also collected at UCLA by Haan, 1981] R: Thanks asshole.
Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher, 1968. R: You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you don't plan on coming down. -- Daddy Warbucks, 1938.  R: You can't take kindness to the bank! -- Captain Capital, 1979.        Go to work. Keep the faith. Yes.  -- Cornbread Betty
Geology - Dig it!      Get naked!  R: I am, under my clothes.     More stars, less stripes.
Get a loved one high / Show them you care.       Let the dead fight among themselves.
To W: If you are going to do something wrong - do it right.       Free time is the best freedom. -- Bob Dobbs
You know the way you are? Don't be that way. R: How should one be? R: Which ever way one isn't.

Dance well!      Dance until you are stupid.       Don't ever try to corner anybody.
Be tough or fly fast. -- Alien #143       Don't cry wolf until you see real teeth.
Free Charles Mansion.      Kill your cat.      DO IT!           Ignore Allen Orderski
Don't Ask     Eat the book / Its full of baloney     PIGS OFF CAMPUS! [UCSB pedestrian underpass, blue spray paint]     Unleesh orthografy.
Fade away and radiate. [This many years before the Blondie song]        Know yourself. [PIC C-2a: thought by feline]
Steal your fare! [PIC: Bulbous skull with hypodermic needle imbedded in side and psychedelic mushrooms in eye sockets]
Hey folks, don't miss out, get into some wilderness. [PIC: Flag with oval "E" in upper left.]
Life can be confusing - be kind to all - we need it.       Unleesh orthografy.

Act as if you were a saint.      Do not seek, and ye shall find.        Go mentally insane.
Be ye lumps unto the world.       Clog Bureaucracy -- B. Random        Enjoy shitting
Everything in moderation - including moderation.      Let Santa (< Jesus) Retire.      Be cool!
Grow up! R: What for?      Tell the whole truth, anything less and they may take you seriously.
Live forever or die trying [## This much earlier than either the Humpers album or the Taglines collection, which has "A man should try to live forever or die trying."] Don't be denied. R: Denied what? R: As if you didn't know. R: Know what?
Return to forever. R: Where do I get a ticket? ["Return to Forever" is now a song]
Stop worrying. We don't die. So relax and enjoy. [1981]

ANNOUNCEMENTS & PROCLAMATIONS

............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
666 / Crowley / (the beast) / is everywhere / 666
[UCSB. See PIC A-1a: above text written inside a circle with pentagrams on each side. There are many on-line sources on Aleister Crowley. Written below the circle:]   All those interested in joining an Aleister Crowley cult group appear at the point at midnight every new moon with a [??], black robe, [??], and look for a 12 foot boat, [??] the bleating of a helpless lamb.   R: Crowlies suck

I am Shematakh / Thrice speak my name / And I will come to thee / In the bed of thy dreams.

I just farted. R: I can still smell it.        Everything is OK. May 30, 1979.      Out from under the rock.  --M
Fallbrook Sensemilla, $175 per oz., "Bud your way to reality".        The Wizzard of Odd.   R: The Garden of Even.
Suck in your gut / The Duke is dead.     I got Rita pregnant.     My God, I think I've found it.
Incredible Party Friday Night, Dec. 12, 1979. 4** Chandler Rd., San Francisco, CA 94102.
American Materialism I'm gone to England in blissful expatriation.          Rog sees all.
I live here - seat saved. [UCLA library desk]        Consistent Animism -- Jiyaqtex  [PIC: two eyeballs facing each other]
Beaches rule the valleys [# Surfer territorialism, e.g. Malibu v. San Fernando Valley]
The sword of Shinnara. [PIC: Thunder bolt with terminal arrowhead]
HI! I'm Hisako. I'm oriental girl. I have a nice cute pussy which could give you good feeling. If you want my pussy, call me after 8 PM [phone number erased]

For a good fuck in France "Genvieve", 43 Rue de la Revve [<?], 75009 Paris. Tel. 370616 anytime.
Kekahiliokalani passed this way. R: Awesome.      I was here. [Seen occasionally, the archetypal graffiti]        I am not from another planet.
Keith is Keith R: A fart is a fart.       The OO!        I am gay.        Freeway Bill          Me       Apocalypse Now (<Never)
Russel Russel [PIC: text under lightening bolt]        Look high, look low, Punim is King.
The Outsider!      This brother is free.       Zozo is nectar for the Gods.    Magic may create but it is forbidden to nourish.  --Merlin
I'm from East Bumblefuck and proud of it!         The more you ignore me the closer I get.
100 Punks Rule [The music zine 100 Punks started around 1998.]
The Gadfly is still among us.       I will never return!        Spoilers Rule        King Sodomy was here.
Here is the no. of a pay phone in Goleta. I'll be waiting to answer it Thursday, May 3 at 9 AM.

Yeah? Many have tried, as many have died. [PIC D-2a: Spoken by scarred man with crown inscribed: "Worn by the King of America."]
L'Chaim [PIC: Star of David. "To Life."]
E.O. [?] / A.T.B. [PIC A-4b: Eye in triangles with crossed swords. Malibu rock shelter - possible location of a Manson family photo.]
I'm not Michelle. R: Neither am I.       Mo is God!       Karl was here  R: and left his Marx.
Alien! R: We are all aliens, we just don't know it.         Insider going elsewhere, Claro.
RULES THE WORLD [Words follow PIC A-4a (Theta & three wavy lines)]   R: I must be evading their taxes.
Nazis rule [PIC: swastika]  R: Lanceleb zum Fuhrer.
SHE IS      The Supremer     Earthbound        Payaso de VNP [# UCSB, PIC: radiating cross]
Saturday's child is fucking wild.     Suzuki - world champions. R: Bikers suck.
The unmarked travelers / No wave - no grave.       Arm the Whales -- Green Peace [##]

I control the world from this desk.     Servanthood [calligraphic]      And fools forever
Kim's Hand [PIC: outline of hand]       Spock saves. [#] R: What's the point?
The Manson family lives.           Freeway Bill        The Outsider        Stoneman was here.
VARRIO / NUEVO / ESTRADA / duKeS / ExLxAx  R: Go back to Oxnard. R: They are from East Los Angeles, not Oxnard.
Trojans burst under pressure. [# UCLA v. USC football rivalry]
Watersheds Rule -- Jack the River        LOST  IN FOREVER [PIC A-1b: Ascending stairwell]
Rainbow Connection  [PIC: Lightening bolt under rainbow]
The problem with libraries is that they have people in them and not enough porridge. Remember that.   [large ink letters]
All Elvis has to say is what is so funny about peace and love. 

The only people left in the world are assholes - bull shit artists - ever since they killed me. [1981]

............................................................... 1993 ..................................................................

Writing this sentence cures piles.  R: Reading this sentence cures blindness. [Men's room, Ventura]
We are the punks.     David Koresh was here 3-7-87        Colts Rule / Raiders Suck
I am a rapist.      Television is the devil.         Bag lives [#] R: Bag is a fag.
Welcome to the machine.     See ya on the other side.      Two ladies soliciting. 259-27**.
Bye, bye / I'm gone     Now I am immortal -- LK '93     We have your vampire parties. [1994]
Humpty Dumpty was pushed [## & Bumper sticker]     Black Mafia forever
I love being alive [PIC: Happy face]     Agent 420 KGB     Vampyre        John Lennon is alive.
The Few / The Proud / The Rastafari     Francis blows     I am a rapist and I like to rape.
Longbeards Rule         I am the demon of love [#]         I have AIDS        The Queen of Arabia
Silence / Death / Truth [PIC: Triangle with "S" inside]       Innocence is lost.
I am Bowie - you must believe me. [#] / R: I am Bowie / You must die! R: Who cares
The secret of sanity: pretend you are sane.

ART
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
We have no art - we do everything as well as we can. -- Balinese painter [Similar attribution by Marshall McLuhan]
Art is the answer.     Replace natural selection with aesthetic selection.     Let art conquer.

CRYPTOIDS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
RMOE / WLFFL       R.E.NI / A.L.OE  Response: (FLGBP)K  Response: GNMDB?
PBGLF [several at UCLA]  R: Play Boys Get Lots of Females [An example of an "acrostic"
for "PBGLF" - often written vertically in graffiti so the first letters align horizontally.]        PBGLF.?

TRISTERO      W.A.S.T.E.  R: We Await Silent Tristero Empire.
[Several at UCSB, usually vertical. These are from the Thomas Pinchon novel "The Crying of Lot 49"]     W.A.S.T.E.  R: What A Stupid Thing Ernie.

NBFS  [# At UCLA and UCSB!]   R: No Beans For Sale [#].
Idiotic Raving Anarchist Nuts [Acrostic: IRAN]       UVG0IT
Lambda Sigma Delta [Acrostic: LSD]          sdrawkcab daer uoy nac R: uoy kcuf

ENDWAHL
[# Over a hundred seen, only at UCSB, 1979-80.  Usually followed by barred triangle or similar symbol, see PIC G-4a for sample of six. Object of many acrostic creations, most common was "Every Normal Dude Wants A Hot Lay" (#). In December, 2002 I received an interesting email explaining the origins of the UCSB Endwahl graffiti.]

ABC-DNA?  R: Annual Biospheric Cyclone - Do Not Arrest. [1993]

DESPAIR
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark       Fuck living.
Mass confusion clouds inside my head.      We all suck.        Man is dung.
I'm gong crazy.  R: You think you have problems, I'm going sane.      I'm so weary.
Life isn't worth living all the time - contemplating the easy (?) way out. At least I'll beat the elevators. [PIC: text in pyramid split a top]
Help me. [Common pop up]       ELP        Everything sucks
Help I need somebody. R: Ask Jesus. R: Only the Almighty Wazoo can help you now.
Life gets teejus, don't it. [#]      I can't take it anymore.       No time (< thing) to lose.
I've been scattered.      My dreams turn into nightmares! No life is best.
Help me, I'm going down and everything is getting dark and painful again.
From the moment I could talk / I was ordered to listen / Now I have to go away. -- CS

Lester - I had to call it quits - I was slowly sinking into oblivion - Love Always -- JWH
Life would be easier if I were dead.      If life doesn't get better I'll . . .
Once I rose above the noise and confusion.      Good bye everybody.     Fuck Futility
Fuck the world. R: Fuck you. R: Oh I love it. R: Eat shit buddy.
I loved my friend / He went away from me / There is nothing more to say. [1981]
I can't live with her / I can't live without her / I can't live. R: Why don't you commit suicide. That would solve all your problems.
I am eating shit today.       Help me if you can.
Help! I'm a flesh tone ball of putty being molded by [?].      I'm so weary.      Puck it all! [sic]
The whole universe is completely insane.       Va futre merdre!       ENO UGH

Stop the world and get me off.  R: You have misquoted this: "Stop the world, I want to get off."
[Reisner 1974 claims "Stop the world,  I want to get off"  appeared as graffiti before it was used as a title for a musical by Anthony Newley in 1961.]  R: You don't have to stop the world to get off.

Don't cry out loud / Just keep it inside and / try to hide your feeling. / Fly high in the clouds and / finally remember that you / almost made it.
Help me Mr. Wizard. R: Why?
I feel like shit. R: I don't care. R: I do.  R: Me to.  R: Why?  R: Choice.
Substitution, mass confusion, clouds inside my head.
Everything sucks.  [1990]        Heaven knows I'm miserable now. [1993]

DRUGS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Drugs are a dead end. R: But they are the scenic route.      Zoooooom with Shrooooooms
Drivin that train / High on cocaine --E. Presley       Ride that train.       LDS or LSD
Angel dust kills you. R: Kicks your head up your ass. R: My brother is in a mental institution because of it.
Vitamin Q      This is totally drug induced.       Drugs          Legalize shit.
Roll roll roll a joint / Take a sip of wine / Take a toke / Hold the smoke / Blow your fucking mind. [Melody: "Row, Row, Row your Boat." A respondent attributed lyrics to the Poindexter Bros.]

REALITY IS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HANDLE DRUGS.
[### & button & bumper sticker. A transposition of the less common anti drug slogan "Drugs are for people who can't handle reality." Appears with many substitutions, e.g. "Sex is for people who can't handle love", then "Love is for people who can't handle loneliness." Also: "Clichés are for people who can't handle invention." Origins: Reisner 1974 has "Reality is a crutch."  Yu 1975: "Reality is no substitute for drugs."]   R: I know a lot of "upper" class men who can not handle drugs or reality.

Opium is the religion of the masses.      Crank it in!      Speed reefer.
LSD cannot faze me / For I am aware of my self / I can only learn.        Drugs Rule (^ ants)
No bonging [# at UCSB, also 1993. Sometimes with PIC: barred bong.]
Stop what you're doing right now, Dude, and go take some acid and then look at your bizarre
books! Heh, heh, heh, . . . [PIC: bearded face]
Legalize dope [frequent, often blotted out]             (No text) [PIC: Marijuana leaf. ###]
Sometimes I feel like I am tied to the whipping post.
I'd rather be bonging Thai sticks than reading about the mechanics of heat transfer.

I DEMAND MARIJUANA [PIC A-3b: Words in frilled rectangle with marijuana leaf.]
Your mother would throw up if she saw you like this. [PIC B-1a: Words thought by intoxicated male.]
(No text) [PIC B-1b: Man in the moon smoking joint.]
"Smoke some rope man" says Mellow Martin.  [PIC B-2a: Spoken by man smoking joint.]
I drink, therefore I am [PIC B-2b: Spoken by bearded man with "XX" on T-shirt.]
(No text) [PIC G-1c : Psilocybin mushroom. ##]

If you smoke cotton will you get marijuana mouth?       Grateful Dead and LSD forever.
Cocaine and sex are complimentary transcendental absolutes, like peanut butter and boysenberry jam. --Mister S.  Response: Goon.
Drugs for the masses - not profit.       Please help me! LSD
Coke adds life.       Jack Daniels - a friend indeed!!      (No text) [PIC: Happy face - intoxicated]
I sincerely believe in consuming massive quantities of LSD-25.
Speed is the essence of life. -- Doug 666  [1981. New York, Washington Square]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
LSD thought       Quadrophenia (< Qualudemania) is coming.      Kill drugs      Bongs Not
Just let the angels dust you.     Coke is Junk! -- S.A.N.T.A.     Snort and sell Ajax.
Speed freak      HIgh      Poking smot

FEMINISM
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
The only hope is a woman's revolution. [UCSB pedestrian underpass, red spray paint]
Girls: Give them an inch and they want a mile. R: And you only have an inch.
Damn all men.     Feminists are sexists.
Masturbation is better than sex -- A Self Made Woman
One woman is raped / every ten minutes. / Castrate rapists.  [1981. New York, Washington Square, stenciled]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
We have to be bitches, otherwise the guys won't leave us alone.
Fuck the feminazis. ["Feminazi" is Rush Limbaugh's epithet]
Does it scare you if a woman likes sex?.       Goddess envy

MEN, YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, YOU CAN'T SHOOT THEM.
[## & bumper sticker.  Started with the now trite "Women, you can't live with them, you can't live without them."  Then when "men" is substituted,  "you can't live without them" conflicts with feminist goals. This sets the stage for "you can't shoot them" to ambush expectations.]

Sisters / love your self / love your cunt.     All men are created equal (< evil).
I am a woman / Hear me roar. R: Hear me laugh.        God is dead. R: No she isn't.
In a world without men, women would be fat and happy.     Is Is! -- Isis  / R: Are Are!  -- Arses
Some men are assholes, and the good looking ones are experts.

FRATERNITIES & SORORITIES
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Nuke the Frats [## For source form and variants see "Nuke the whales".]
Fruke the gnats.     Fraternities are fag factories.    Frats rule! [frequent]         Dormites are goons
Fraternities transform normal human beings into intolerable egotists who pay money to live and spend time with other intolerable egotists that invariably wind up jacking each other off. -- Socrates
Fraternities are the breeding grounds of the future fascists that will soon rule Amerika.
Sorority girls should be rounded up and deported back to Mattel.

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
The only real women are in frats. [##]     Greeks are good. R: Macedonians are better.

GAY & LESBIAN
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Lesbians Unite / R: On my cock.     You're a knob slobbing homosexual.        Gay is proud.
How is it hanging?  / R: Like a submarine - long, hard, and full of seamen [##]  / R: Like a cream puff, you puff, I'll cream. / R: Like Patton, hard, mean, and always looking for a hairy situation.
I love (lust) Carolyn. [PIC: overlapped female gender symbols]      Faggots are fabulous.
(No text) [PIC: Two female gender symbols overlapping. ###]       "Lesbian" is a beautiful word.

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Stop the spread of AIDS / Kill a fag [ ##]  (< Use a condom)     I'm Gay [several]
All male cocksuckers must die.     Fucking Communist Dykes!     Women are the best.
Gay Power [##] R: Sodomites     Kill Fags [## or pop up] R: Kill homophobics
So many dikes, so few bullets.  [A variant of "So many women"]         This hetero hell .
Why is it wrong for 2 men to have sex but OK for them to kill each other? R: Shut up fag.

GRAFFITI
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
A man's ambition is mighty small / If he writes his name on a shithouse wall. [Mockridge 1968]
Jack Kerouac wrote here.     Oh why do I like graffiti?      Aliens: write graffiti here.
People write what they wish to say to others but don't.       Fuck graffitists    This desk for Pacific Plate Graffiti.
All right folks!! Let's see some really strange stuff on this desk.      I think, therefore I write.

KILROY WAS HERE.
[Extremely abundant since 1942. Apparently this began with the mark of James J. Kilroy, a Halifax, MA ship inspector during World War II (Wikipedia). At some time "Kilroy was here" became associated with a drawing of a man peering over the top of a fence, his long nose and  fingers overhanging the fence, such as the Punch and Judy character Chad, a gremlin-like creation who peered over a fence and bemoaned World War II shortages. Drawings of Chad often appeared in Royal Air Force publications. Similar drawings precede the Kilroy graffiti (e.g. a Victorian advertising image). Kilroy was not the first omnipresent graffitist. There was a depression era folk song about a name that appeared in boxcars all over America (I have lost this source - does anyone know it?). The regicidal character of the name "Kilroy" ("roi" means "King" in French) may have served the anti-authoritarian undertones of 1940's Kilroy graffiti.]
Kilroy is everywhere.     Kilroy wasn't here.      Kilroy      Kilroy died in 1976.     Kilroy split.
Kilroy is gay [Pop up. Mockridge 1968: "Kilroy is queer"]
(No text) [PIC: Elmer Fudd as Kilroy wearing top hat]
 

Why am I here? R: To write on the walls.       You are sitting at the incredible sex desk.
"Shit" is a profundity at UCLA.     Graffiti is the musing of the bored. [1981]
The surgeon general has determined that reading desk graffiti will grow hair in your palms. [High school boys gag: "Jacking off causes a black hair to grow in your palm." Then if listener looks at his palm he is ridiculed (California, 1953).]
Who cleaned this board space?     This desk needs graffiti.     Please don't remove [pink ink]
This head needs racism. [men's bathroom]       This area reserved for sexual graffiti. R: Fuck you
Watch out assholes, the Black Pen is back in black.         In the beginning was graffiti.
This graffiti is so distracting, that is why I like it.        Great women's graffiti on second floor.
I am a conformist / That is why I am writing on this desk.     Thought becoming print.  [With increasing letter size]

Ban graffiti [pop up humor theme, many forms, e.g. "Don't write on this desk"]
Respect all serious train artists. [1981. New York, Washington Square]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
No good graffiti here.     Hail Idiotic Graffiti [PIC: text inside radiating sun]
I wrote this in 1962. R: NOT
The word "danger" is worth a thousand pictures.

HUMOR
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Dynamite is the only known cure for acne.      Rugby takes leather balls.
May the fleas of a thousand camels / Infest the Ayatollah's beard.
In space, no one can hear you fart. ["In space, no one can hear you scream" was a slogan for the 1979 movie "Alien."]
May Sky Lab miss you.      More nukes, less kooks. [## & bumper sticker]

THERE IS NO GRAVITY, THE EARTH SUCKS
[### & button & bumper sticker. Reisner 1974 gave: "Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks"  and "Space is a vacuum because the Earth sucks."   Yu 1975 has "Gravity doesn't pull, the earth sucks."  These three versions were later topped by "There is no gravity, the earth sucks." It is notable how quickly the topped versions disappear from memory.  Later came the bumper sticker: "Beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks."]  R: Black holes suck best.

I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. [## Also in  Haan 1981, but with  "pre-frontal," probably an edit.] R: Looks like you've had both.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? [## Yu 1985] R: No - just makes me drool.
Rhinos are horny and love it. [PIC: Rhinoceros,  rubber stamp impression]
Crew does it oarally. [Very common bumper sticker motif in the 1980's, e.g. "Divers do it deeper," "Intellectuals do it every way."]
There are more horses' asses in the world than there are horses.
Some dogs have fuzzy ears / My dog has fuzzy ears / Therefore my dog is some dog. [several on the WWW]
Nothing is better than God. Stale bread is better than nothing. Therefore stale bread is better than God. [UCLA 5-5-84. An 11/2007 Google search matched only this document]

Money is the root of all wealth.       Stop cruelty to lizards. --The Godzilla Preservation Fund.
Hugh G. Rection R: Adolf Oliver Tits, Buster Hyman.

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Don't read this.     Mutants for nukes. [PIC: one eyed happy face]
General Custard died for your sins.               2B or not 2B / Where did I park?

JOKES
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
What is the difference between pygmies and a women's track team? Answer: The pygmies are cunning runts. [Heard a few months prior]
What do you call a masturbating bull? Ans. Beef stroganoff.
Show me a Native American electrician who works on bathrooms and I'll show you a man who wires a head for reservations. [Heard previously]
How do you make love to a fat woman? First roll her in flour and look for a wet spot. [Also on a six page photocopied joke list collected 6/82]
Did you hear about the 1,000 Moonies that committed suicide? They were just trying to keep up with the Jones's.

LIFE
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
My life is just oranges and scooter pies. R: You are deeply weird.
Life: Study hard; Get good grades; Get your degree; Get married; Have three horrid kids; Die and be cremated. R: Life: Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex.
Some people worry about their destiny, while others simply enjoy the ride. R: Perfectamento
A man works to eat  / And eats to shit.       Life is dukha.
Today is the tomorrow you wished for (< lost) yesterday. [## Mockridge 1968]
Time was created so everything wouldn't happen at once. [### & note card]  / R: School was created to negate the above.       Reality is someone else's conception of life.
The years teach much which the days never know -- Emerson

Life is like a shit sandwich / The more bread you have / The less shit you have to eat! [##?]
Life is like a cock / When its hard its fucked / When it's soft you can't beat it. -- Freud  [## Reisner 1974: "Life is like a penis, (same)" with no attribution.]   R: And its always too short.

Life is a quart of transmission fluid. / R: Life is unspeakable -- Korzybski
People are bizarre, yet beautiful.     Life is too important to be taken seriously.
To err is to be human. To blame it on the other guy is even more human.
There is really no way to say no to the morning. R: I stay in bed.
What I need is a cure from is people who think I'm sick.     People are so mean.
Heaven help the fool!     I question our mental health.
I shall pass through this world but once. Any good that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.
To care / to be fair / to be humble. -Peace
How come life for me is tragic? Those I like don't want me and those I don't are the ones who like me.

........................................................... 1993 .................................................................
What is the meaning of life?   R: To outwit God       You are only living to die.
We're all just battling entropy anyway. / Sometimes you just have to surf it.
Most middle aged adults have resigned themselves to failure.
Life is long, be happy. -- Mrs. Baby
Gosh I love life. I just wish it would love back.  R: Unrequited love is the worst thing you know?

LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE.
[**  Later in song lyrics.  "Life's a bitch" (####) goes back at least to 1980.  "And then you die" is probably a consolidated graffiti response to "Life's a bitch."  "Life's a Beach" was a popular 1980's bumper sticker. Graffiti also seen: "Ain't life a beach" and "Life's an itch" (both 1980)]
R: Life's a bitch and then you marry one.

How about beavers in literature: /  1. A mid summer nights Beaver -- Shakespeare /  2. Madam Beavery -- Flaubert . . ./ etc. . . . / 29. Jonathan Livingston Beaver -- Bach /   The Last of the Beavers -- Endwahl. [Thirty numbered responses as above sample, "The Last of the Beavers" numbered  infinity. On the "Beaver Desk."].  R: Why doesn't someone wash off this so we can start another beaver list.

DUCK DESK [PIC: ducks]  Famous duck titles: / Moby Duck / Duck on a Hot Tin Roof / I'm a Duck, You're a Duck / The Duck Father / The Duck Hunter [And 26 other altered book and movie titles]

Fuck a duck / Screw a shrew / Impale a quail / Rape a grape / Plug a slug / End a trend.
[Oxnard 1983.  Reisner 1974 has such a list with 14 entries, none as here, including "Frig a pig," "Bang an orangutan" and "Screw Agnew."]

KFAT - Pacific Grove     KGA-FM San Diego     KFRI
[Dec. 1979, UCSB Library, 8th floor.  These and many other call letters appeared scattered about on a single desk]

WCKG 105.9 Chicago     WNOR 89.3  Evanston      CFUN - Vancouver BC
Bag listens to 88.9     KXLO     KROQ -LA      KKK
[Sept. 1993, UCSB Library, 8th floor, the same desk as above! Fourteen years after collecting "KFAT" and the others above, the desk contained over 150 station identifications, many barely visible after periodic washings. None of the call letters recorded in 1979 were still visible, but apparently some survived each cleaning and kept the tradition going.]

What is the light at the end of the tunnel?  Headlamp of oncoming train. / Stars after banging head on wall. / Shining face of God. / A lighter used for a bong. / Ever approaching future. / Coors light.   [UCLA, 1981]

LOVE
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
I used to love Sally / I would dream about her / We had everything in common / But I blew it.
Look deep in her eyes, / only then can you tell.     Love is touching souls. -- Joni Mitchell
They will know we are Christians (< humans) by our love.
Only love can set you free.     Never too late to love.     I love [PIC: In cartoon bubble, no speaker]
God loves you whether you believe in him or not.     Love is above.        Love stinks.
Love is for those who can't handle loneliness. [## A common form, for others see Reality is for . . .]
Beauty will be the death of me.     267 miles to see her.     Suzie I love you. -- D.C.
Hedonism.  R: Next best thing to love.         Love is hard to find at UCSB.
Whether you marry or not - you will regret it. -- Plato       Sharon loves me. R: In your dreams.
Debbie G. - if you ever read this you'll know I was thinking of you today. R: Hi G. Got your message - miss you. DG        I love men. [PIC: Concentric hearts]

The power of love is replacing the love of power. [##  Shaw 1978 has "Someday the power of love will conquer the love of power."]
I want you to want me. R: I want you but I want you to want me too. -- Marvin G.

What sparked life into existence in the first place was a changing environment. This change or variance is accountable for evolution & the universe
as we know it. Love also arises from change of one emotional dependence to another.  Carter's Theorem #1

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
I love to love. R: I fuck to fuck.        Sarah and Jason / Together forever / 4-14-93
Love sees no color. R: That is because it is blind.       I love me.       I love Judy A. [#]
"State of love and trust."       Virgin Love, B.G. & C.R. [PIC: Initials in heart.]

MISCELLANEOUS  DRAWINGS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
What's 'sappning brother Buzz? [PIC B-3a: Spoken by doper]
Far-r-r freakin out! [PIC B-3b: Spoken by man wearing helmet with peace symbol]

Oh, No . . . [PIC C-2b: Spoken by wavy haired girl]
(No text) [PIC C-3a: Man with hook nose]
(No text) [PIC C-3b: Man with bushy beard]
(No text) [PIC C-3c: Walking Pac Man]
(No text) [PIC C-3d: Slurpy face]

(No text) [PIC D-2b: Round face]
(No text) [PIC  D-2c: Face in flower]

(No text) [PIC E-1a: Demonic head - large]
(No text) [PIC E-2a: Demonic head - small]
(No text) [PIC E-2b: Demonic head - bulbous]

WOW! [PIC F-2a: Calligraphic]
Fire [PIC F-2c: calligraphic]
(Unreadable name?) [PIC F-3a: Two near identical curvilinear designs]

(No text) [PIC G-1a: Impossible 3D triangle]
(No text) [PIC G-1b: Pyramid with halo of flames]
1  2  3  [PIC G-2a: Wink depicted in three numbered panels]
(No text) [PIC G-2b: Abstract with infinity symbols]
(No text) [PIC G-2c: Gushing jar]
(No text} [PIC G-2d: Vertical abstract]
"?" [PIC G-3a: Quoted question mark]
(No text) [PIC G-3b: Rayed sun over pyramid. 1993]
(No text) [PIC  G-3c: Stick figure at end of psychedelic hall]
(No text) [PIC G-3d: Sperm crossing horizontal line]

(No text) [PIC: Eye in inverted triangle]
(No text) [PIC: Eye of Horus. Malibu rock shelter]
(No text) [PIC Feline eyes - isolated]
(No text) [PIC: Maltese cross in shield]
(No text) [PIC: Skull - lightening bolt on forehead.]
(No text) [PIC: Sperm. Common pop up]

MISCELLANEOUS  TEXTS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Normality      Cranium games      Chunapecosh        Cowboy days
Oh Mr. Bilbo, Please let me out!  [Bilbo Baggins is a character in The Hobbit by Tolkien]

JANE YOU IGNORANT
[At both UCLA and UCSB (PIC F-4b: Sample of minimal lettering).  This puzzled me until I learned from the WWW that "Jane you ignorant slut"  was a famous line from the TV program Saturday Night Live. Apparently "slut" was erased in both the graffiti.]

Try (< GO) MODNAR [UCLA, calligraphic]     If I make it through        Jim please call me.
The Vawter Effect      DNA      The End      One down, two to go.      Please  R: Later

(Text untranslated) [PIC H-1a to 3d: East Asian writing - eight examples. Translations welcomed.]

MUSIC
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Morrison is God!       Bruce Springsteen [abundant]       Springsteen is God      And so I quit the Police Department (Beatles lyrics).
Cocaine is for horses / Its not for men / The doctor said it'll kill me / But he didn't say when.
Disco sucks [### &  button & bumper sticker]       Disco Sux       Sisco Ducks
Disco is gay [##]        The Big Bopper lives.       Jethro Tull        Rock on. [##, later ####]
Rock and roll groups unite and die the death.     KISS (^ ASS) RULES        Grateful Dead
When life looks like easy street / There is danger at your door -- Grateful Dead
One man gathers what another man spills. -- Grateful Dead       Hello, I love you. [Doors]
The trouble with you is the trouble with me. / We have two good eyes but we still don't see -- Gr. Dead.      Grateful eats.    
Grateful Dead and LSD forever. 10/79            Motorhead
Claude Funston says "Where's the Party?" [PIC: man in suit circling index finger. In 1979 there was a jazz band called "Claude Funston and the Psychic Detectives."]

B.O.C.  [Common, especially in Berkeley. PIC: Like an inverted question mark with radiating bars. Logo of the "Blue Oyster Cult" rock band]
Yes I'm going insane, and I'm laughing at the frozen rain. [Katy Lied, 1974]
SOMA! [UCSB pedestrian underpass, spray paint, white on red background]
SOMA / ROCKS [In above underpass, letter style exactly matched those on a promotional flier for a local concert]         KARNEVIL9?        
Punk is God (^ less)      KISS [PIC F-2b: Calligraphic]
Hey speed boys!! Devo is coming. Industrial rock for the masses.        Ozone Rangers
Weasels ripped my flesh. [Frank Zappa album]        The Cars R: Suck Shit
Emmy Lou Harris     Beatles [frequent]     Beatles forever.    Doors      B52's will show.
Willie Nelson, Steely Dan, Genesis.     Genesis [frequent]      Are we not men? We are DEVO!

You've got to get it in to get it out. -- Genesis      Led Zep      The System      The Germs
White Punks on Dope     UFO     Spoilers     The Dead Kennedys - great punk.
Roster of Bands: U.K., Brand X, The Pirates          Long live Rock and Roll. [##]
Get sick, get well / Hang around the ink well. [Bob Dylan, "Subterranean Homesick Blues"]
Word games fester and grow. -- Steven Stills       I am the lizard king / I can do anything. -- Jim Morrison
I know its only rock n roll but I love it! [PIC C-1b: Spoken by curly headed man. Song: "Its only Rock N Roll (But I like it)" by the Rolling Stones.]
GRATEFUL DEAD! [PIC F-4a, minimal style lettering]
Babe, I'm going to leave you. [Led Zeppelin, 1969]
We were once children playing with toys. -- S. Winwood [# Steve Winwood,  Traffic]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Ten Thousand Maniacs     R.E.M. [ frequent]      Digable Planets        Morrisey [several]
DISCO is life.     Black Sabbath      Doors      U2 is God     Ramones are God's Bad Religion
You know you're / well adjusted / when you don't seem to / mind that the cops are / always around. [From "1984", Feederz]         
SLAYER             Seasons of the abyss.  [by Slayer]
Tosh is not dead. / He's just in Brazil / with Hendrix and / the rest of them. [large, orange ink,  Peter Tosh, Reggae singer, 1944-1987]

OBSERVATIONS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Stoicism is vulnerable.     60+44=104  R: Another toughy!       Machines are 19th century toys.
Honesty / is such a lonely / word.     Man is revolution in nature. -- Father Earth       Bored!
In a closed system where everybody is guilty, the only sin is getting caught.       Veal is Vile
Larita is foxy!          CBS = Certainly Bull Shit     I think you are beautiful. R: Yeah?
Chess is insane (< inane). R: Some chess fanatic wrote that up to see what kind of response he'd get. Obviously nobody cares. R: You responded Mr. Nobody.
Sometimes we come to the last things on our mind.        Half crazy is well balanced.
Either the clock is tilted or I am in big trouble.           There is no being, but there are beings.
Force is any action capable of accelerating a body. -- Isaac Newton      The universe is chasing its tale.
Tools are a man user.     This sentence is true.     "Sesquipedalian" is sesquipedalian.  R: "Curt" is curt.

I think I just pulled a muscle in my brain.     You were once sane, but you blew it.
Morning of the dead living. / A typical Saturday in I.V. [Isla Vista, party town next to UCSB]
All that glitters is not gold, but at least it contains free electrons.      Evil is measured by power.
Dans un monde d'obscurité / La solitude est la seul lumiere.  [In a world of darkness / Solitude is the only light.]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
ADVERTISING KILLS CULTURE -- BOB DOBBS
[Bob Dobbs (later "J. R. Bob Dobbs") was the legendary (?) founder of the Church of the SubGenius. This does not sound like it is from SubGenius literature, but could have been said by a Canadian claiming to be Bob Dobbs who spoke on KPFK-FM, Los Angeles, in the early 1990's. Or it may be from Marshall McLuhan. In any case, graffiti attributions are close to meaningless. The WWW is silent on this one.]

So many boys, so little time [ Started as "So many women,  so little time." Now usually "So many men, so little time," this ### & bumper sticker & button. Variants at "So many dikes, . . ."]
My mother is too drunk to be an astronaut. [This is a line from the 1992 movie "White Men Can't Jump"]
Ignorance thrives in America.     Civilization sucks       Fried ice cream is a reality.      Got nowhere to fly to.     You are all fucking slaves.
Friends do not exist. [1994]      Feces occurs 

POETRY
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Perhaps a willow / Leans my way / To catch the morning sun

Breathe, breathe in the air / Don't be afraid to care. -- PF

A fallen mist / Removing faces of flesh / Eyes remaining / Flying through space / Reviving dreams. -- EJK [PIC A-2b: eye surrounded by flame, arrow, crescent moon, star]

There once was an old Ayatollah / Who didn't know shit from Shinola . . . [and 12 more lines, attributed to National Lampoon].

There once was a nympho named Till / Who tried a stick of dynamite for a thrill /   They found her vagina /   In North Carolina / And bits of her tits in Brazil. [Cf. "Nymphomaniacal Alice / Used a dynamite stick for a phallus /   They found her vagina /   In North Carolina / And part of her ass in Dallas." Also No. 1234 in The Limerick, by G. Legman]

There was a man named O' Glass / Whose balls were made out of glass /  When he ran like a feather /   His balls clang together / And sparks shot out from his ass. ["Glass" is an illogical corruption of "brass" as in Legman (The Limerick), No. 195: "There was a young man of Madras / Whose balls were constructed of brass. /  When jangled together /  They played 'Stormy Weather,' / And lightning shot out of his ass." Incidentally, there is a legend that limericks concerning fornication with birds trace back to Aleister Crowley, e.g. "A vice both obscure and unsavory / Kept the Bishop of Chester in slavery / Midst terrible howls / He deflowered young owls / In his crypt fitted out as an aviary" -- Legman, No. 658, allegedly recited by John Steinbeck]

My heart is like a head / Like a pigeon's that lies down / Wands of breast in a coldness. -- DL '78 [In a pedestrian underpass, stenciled in red]

Buildings rise and buildings fall / And rise no more thereafter / And the only voice to sound a call / Is Jack B. Jackson's laughter.  [1991]

The Logic Choppers rule the town / And every man and maid and boy has marked / A distant object down / (An aimless joy is a pure joy) / Or so did Tom O Roughley say / That saw the surges running by / And wisdom is a butterfly / And not a gloomy bird of prey.
[UCSB pedestrian underpass, 7 by 20 feet! - black spray paint.This was unattributed but turned out to be the first stanza of  "Tom O' Roughley" by W.B.Yeats]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
ONE [centered title] / One touch sends me trembling / Like the thunder in a rainstorm / One kiss leaves me drowning /  in the deepest of seas / No longer am I afraid /  of this thunder or sea / One of you is all I need /  to overcome my fears. /  -- Richelle (written for Jeff)  [UCSB]

She offered her honor / I honored her offer /And all night long / I was on her and off her.  [## Yu 1985]

POLITICS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS IS CONGRESS
[## & bumper sticker. Reisner 1974  has: "If pro means for and con means against, what is the opposite of progress?  The answer is congress." Note that a topping version of a graffito is often more concise. It may be more entertaining, but is also more easily remembered.]

Aristotle, St. Francis, Shakespeare, Leonardo / Rembrandt, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Darwin / Maxwell, Thomas Jefferson, Lincoln, James Joyce / Yet "white pride" is so fuckin ignorant and fascist!  -- Anglosaxophone  (^ blows shit)
[From the WWW: "Anglosaxophone speech act theorists," " . . . serious philosophical attention, especially in the Anglosaxophone world."  These are spell check miscorrections, substitutions for "AngloSaxon," the absurdity magnified by the scholarly context. More from the Web:  "Count Buffoon" argues that God used pre-existing matter in his creation (cf. "Count Buffon," 1707 - 1788).  "Anglo-Saxophone philosophy, on the other hand, . . ."]

Free Armenia     European Americans go home!      Don't ignore the ignorant!
I want to know what became of the changes we waited for love to bring. --Jackson Brown.  R: Love isn't the answer, destruction is.      
Better active today than radioactive tomorrow. [##]
Palestine lives -- PLO [PIC: PLO flag]  R: Nuke them.       When profit rules who is free?
Money doesn't talk, it swears obscenity.     Save the world from poverty by colonizing space.
CIA sucks blood.     1974 Nixon Resigns [PIC: text written vertically on waving banner]
America, love it or leave it.  [### since the 1960's, once a very common bumper sticker]
Long live the Basque people.       Arm with truth / Conquer with service
NIXON [with "X" modified to swastika, ## & button. Since 1968.]
Stop the Jews before they destroy us all. Join the Nazi Party today for a safe tomorrow.

CIA-1  HOFFA-0  [Large crude black letters, present for several years on a north facing overpass on Highway 101 just north of Ventura, CA.]
Yippies / Jesus Freaks / and Moonies / are Government / Operated.  [1981.  New York, Washington Square. Stenciled.]
RCP [PIC: Letters in five pointed star. Berkeley, 1978.  The initials of the "Revolutionary Communist Party," a common graffito around this time on Berkeley walls and freeway columns in Los Angeles.]     R: CIA Puta.
Welcome to California / Where just five generations ago / Gold crazy gun toting whites / Began many genocides.   [LAX, ca. 1985]

PREDICTIONS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
The next two generations of white Americans will be suppressed.          You're doomed! [large]
The revolution will not be televised. -- Tom Garrison         Man now - ground squirrels next.
Our time will come. R: Unser zeit und kommen. (< wird kummen). [PIC: violet swastikas - side by side.]
Left - Right folk syncretism will get a third of it all.  --Public Service Graffiti
Tyranny (< freedom) will start at the copying machine.

Jesus is coming again soon. A peace settlement forced on Israel is the final sign in a long list of prophecies that have been fulfilled. God loves you! Accept his love and find life.

The members of the Led Zeppelin will announce the Second Coming of Jesus Christ on their next album and then split up after a brief tour with 5-7 dates.
SOLAR COMES [PIC F-3b: Letters form rising sun]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
The world will end at 5:00 PM today!       You'll be dead in a few minutes.
JAH is / Rasta / prophecy       Ganja soon come.      Kaaba scientific revelation.
See that far distant swell? / That is the next great wave of youth rebellion / Coming to sweep away the castles of fear.
Computer Liberation Minute: 10:21 PM, 2/2/22.     Nuclear energy will save the earth.
The October Revolution will repeat in the US. R: Die       We're doomed.

QUESTIONS
.......................................................... 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Are we not clowns? R: We are Bozos.       Why not baby?
Do birds race when they fly fast?       Who was the only person to pinch hit for Babe Ruth?
Why? R: Why not? R: Why why not? R: Why not why not?       Why is a fart so funny?
Do you have the fear? R: Yes R: Si, lo paura ero qui.      Is there intelligent life on this planet?       NOT?
Why is it that when you try to be nice and caring you always end up getting hurt? R: Cause you're probably ugly. 
Is it improper to not want to grow up? Growing up is full of complications. Why can't I just live my life simply? -- The Barbara Kid.
Will Reagan fuck up?     What are the passwords?
Who ate the worm? / Who dug the fire pit?       Tell me, what's gone wrong?  R: No
Where is reality? R: In the recesses of the world's sweet pussies.

Why am I here? R: To learn, you fool.     Why do you exist?      Why isn't the sun white?
Why have a baby? R: It's a high. R: They are darling.      Does God feel our orgasms?
What is matter? R: Never mind. R: What is mind? R: No matter.
To any girl: Does it feel good to be deflowered?
Who really cares?    Who are we?     Tired of yourself?
At which campus do the girls give the best head? R: Oral Roberts.
Does anybody remember laughter? [UCSB pedestrian underpass, orange spray paint. Cf. Yu 1975: "Does anybody remember love and peace?"]
Did you do it for love? / Did you do it for money? / Or only in the name of fun?
Why are we so careful about what we put in our bodies / but so careless about what we put in our souls?  R: I'm not careful about what I put in my body.

Ignorance is correctable, but what can I do when my ignorance is taken for knowledge? R: Cry into your trail mix.
How long will we go on forgetting?     Which came first, the king or the pet lion?       What is it? [PIC A-3a] R: Worm over razor?
What is the truest word ever penciled?  [Can you top the answer at the end of this document?]
If we all walked toward the equator, would it lengthen the day?

WHAT IS THE WORLD'S SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION?  R: PIMP.
[I could not find this answer on the WWW (7/2000), but I did find: accountant, cab driver, consultant, cross dresser, lawyer, money changer, mother, politician, sheep herder, spy, tax collector and trader. The trader is said to have had to come first in order to close the deal. We might also argue that the pimp came first. Philip Knightley, in his book "The Second Oldest Profession," claims the honor for spies. As for the politician, Michael A. Beland, attributed (now dead link - 2007) the following to Ronald Reagan in his early years campaigning in California: "Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Nobody at this desk knows what Plan B is - do you?      What makes evil evil?
What is love?       Why do men have nipples?       What will you give your child - truth or Santa?

RACISM & HATE
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
DEATH TO IRANIANS
[Abundant in  pop up variations.  Most of these graffiti were collected during or soon after the Iranian hostage crisis. A suspicious example:  "Kill All Iranians" was written in neat three foot high letters on the east facing side of an overpass on busy US Highway 60 east of Los Angeles. It is unlikely anyone could have completed this without being observed by passing policemen.]

I'd walk a mile to kill a camel jockey.     Arabs go home.     Kill all the Jews.     I hate.
Black boy go home. R: Where?      Iranians out of U.S.     HATE!
Kill all God damned butt ugly sand nigger Iranians!!!          Fuck sand niggers
Put all the fags together on a planet and blow it up.     Foreigners off campus.     Wasps Smell
JEWCLA (< SCREWCLA) [# UCLA]    Death to all Hebes.     Off the Arabs.
Khomaini [sic] has a cunt like all Iranian males & all Iranian females have cocks.  R: Maybe you are just confused.
ERASE RACISM  [Placed at UCLA, later observed in Albuquerque, N.M.]
(No text) [PIC: Ayatollah Khomeni as pig.]
(No text) [PIC: Star of David]  R: (No text) [PIC: Swastika written inside. #]
The sound of Arabs killing Arabs is music to my ears.

Iranians are living proof that dogs fuck camels. [An old racist form. "There will be no more Okies - the Texans have stopped fucking Niggers" (oral joke, where else but California, about 1950).  Or consider the doubled claim of incestuous racial origins in Genesis 19:30-38.]
There are no virgins, we are all being fucked by Arabs.       Full employment for all ends racism.
What's the cross between a Mexican & a Chinese? / R: a genius driving a low rider / R: one helluva gardener / R: Jose Wong  / R: Ahso amigos

The Yellow Peril [PIC D-3c: Three line Asian caricature]
GOOK [PIC D-3d: Large letters, slant pupils in the "O's"]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
I am not prejudice. I hate every body.     Niggers [PIC: word barred]        Peace among races.
Racism stems from ignorance and fear.       SS  [PIC: Nazi style "SS" in Maltese Cross]
ERS [PIC D-3a: Bean & "ERS" in barred circle. Men's toilet stall]
(No text) [PIC D-3b: Asian caricature, barred. Men's toilet stall]

Love / light / vibration / infinity meets finite. [PIC: Star of David in circle. Malibu rock shelter]
Jesus Light       God is hoax.     I only live to be born again.      Starless and Bible Black.
Let go and let God. [& bumper sticker]      Fart for Jesus      God is on hold.     Religion sucks
Nice toy, but I'm getting tired of it. [PIC D-1a: A sinister God ("Da Boss") speaking, with the Earth in his left hand]
Creationism is Biblical / Evolution is umbilical.      God is dead --Nietzsche / Nietzsche is dead --God  [### Dundes, collected 1964]
Religion is the only thing worth living for. [PIC: cross]  R: I live for love. R: I love life.
(No text) [PIC: Crescent moon encircling five pointed star to left.]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Hell awaits.   R: That shit is real man, I was there.     Satan Saves. R: Try God. R: Try acid.
Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. -- A. Crowley
Love is the law / Love under will. -- A. Crowley     Jesus can give you a whole new perspective on life.
Eternal Truth No.1: All you Bible Thumpers make me sick.
As we live, we sleep / As we die, we awake. -- Buddha       Help all beings for all time.
SATAN [written 11 times vertically]   R: Sucks
Satan is strong / Worship him. [PIC: pentagram in circle]
Clean and sweet is my soul / Clean and sweet is all that is not my soul.

HATE THE SIN, NOT THE SINNER.
[Now pervasive and politicized. The older "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is traced to St. Augustine in The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. It was argued on the WWW in 2000 that  the sinner should be hated also, but not treated "in an unChristlike manner" (http://www.faithofgod.com/lovesin.htm). "Hate the sin, not the sinner" seems to be replacing "love the sinner" versions, and in contemporary discourse is applied primarily to homosexuality. I could find no source for it prior to 1993, so its origin as graffiti, possibly a Christian response to a homophobic graffito,  can not be ruled out.]

SCHOOL
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Relax, Mom will still love you even if you don't get all A's.     Help! I'm lost in a sea of books.
Procrastination, my sole occupation. 11-30-78     You're not studying     School is hard.
If I study I get it. R: What? R: Sex, money, power, love, respect.     Study!     Good bye calculus.
College would be paradise if it weren't for classes.     Stop looking for distractions.
Help! I'm so sick of studying! Why am I doing this to myself?  R: Who cares. R: If you don't like it leave.
Born for boozin & loosin.  R: Born to do surface integrals..     Study until you die.
Nuke finals     June 6, 1979 / Finals hell has struck!! / My God!
It would be so easy to say forget it and become a truck driver.      Dig Knowledge.  [PIC C-1a: Spoken by bearded man wearing a beret.]       Which way to ROTC?  [PIC C-2c: Thought bubble by male in butch haircut.]        Prof. Weinphal (Phil 1) [PIC E-1b: Smiling demonic face. Text may be a  response to the drawing.]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
You go to school for 20 years and you learn just one thing: how to not mind being bossed.
Fuck skool     A clean mind is an insult to a college education.     Abolish finals.
You should be studying (< fucking)     Masturbation and procrastination are the same thing, in the end you are just fucking yourself!

SEX
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Save a tree, eat beaver. [## & bumper sticker]     Sex now.        Eat Pussy
I touched her thigh and death smiled.      Random access makes better sex.
A hard man is good to find. [### Shaw 1978. Derived by transposition from the proverbial "A good man is hard to find."]
I'll [??] Hippie Fuck.        Chupa la verga!

Pulse by pulse / Come in synch / -- Gloria
One eyed trouser snakes like bearded clams.      Duty, honor and sex .    SHEX
I fucked three tri-delts last night. R: God I'm impressed.       Give up de pussay.
I want to pinch your nipples and suck on your clit until you come!
Kiss me and see what happens. [PIC: Frog speaking.] R: You get warts on your lips. R: No, your dangle starts to hop.
The stage is set for fornication. R: Stutterer.      Sit on my face. [### & bar talk] R: Oh go sit on your own face!
Let's be honest, all ladies like to fuck just like I do. OK? -- The Non virgin Mary  R: Not nice ladies.
I love tits and twats.     Strawberry douche forever.     Golden showers are wet and wild.
Sex is life.     The best things in life come in tight packages.       Lets bump uglies.

She'll lay me / She'll lay me not / She'll lay me ...
Fuck me!     Pussy for the soul.     Jack off in the box.     The brain is just a tool for the genitals.
What the world needs now is more nymphomaniacs. R: Right on, try 968-90**.
Peter Peter pussy eater.     Up with sexual deviance.       Pubic Domain        Thy King of Come
Blow me bitch. [#] R: Oooo! Heavy S&M!       Do women ejaculate?  R:  They may, nine months later.
Girls share your fantasies with anonymous male flasher. Leave phone no. R: 961-39**.
Fluck     Men: Get your head out between your legs - and put it between mine!
The world's biggest lies: / (1) I am not a crook -- R. Nixon / (2) I promise I won't come in your mouth. [## & an office humor list which also contained: "The check is in the mail."]
What does it feel like? R: Like falling off a cliff and going to heaven. R: It feels good, that's all that matters.
Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll. [#### Probably started as graffiti, possibly a list.]

If you will be my valentine  / I'll fuck your brains out.     Swallow it.     Repent jackals of passion.
Fuck animals 6-3-80. R: Fuck you too. [UCSB 1980]    Fuck animals.  R: Fuck you [UCSB 1993]
I'm coming. R: Thrilled, I'm Sue.
[PIC: woman fellating in detail]   R: Whose the artist?  R: I am the artist. Who are you?  R: I would like to be blown.

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
I'll fuck you sober.      Evil Candy Came      Sex Kills     Burp the worm.     Purple love helmet
I'm fucked mentally / so lets do it physically.     Eat pussy, drink and be merry.     Cum in my ear
Men are horny because they are born with a tit in their mouth.     Girls fake orgasms and guys never know it.
Virginity can be cured.  R: AIDS can not.     Legalize public intercourse.
I loved Nathan last night. 10-23-91 -- G.F. [UCSB, white nail polish]      Go oral sex
The only girls worth having have never been had.  R: There are no men worth having.
Find her spot and hit it with your tongue.
Here's to honor / Get honor / Stay honor     We would all go crazy without fornication.
SEX EVIL!!! R: I bet you masturbate.     Legalize Necrophilia [## Mockridge 1968]

Oh I wish I was in bed with my old boyfriend / That is where I'd truly like to be / For if I were in bed with my old boyfriend / His ten inch cock would be inside of me. [melody: Oscar Meyer Weiner song.]

SHOCK & INSULTS
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Rape women / Ravage babies / Be a racist / Have no friends / Nuke your mother / Shoot cocaine / And pick your burial spot.

NUKE THE WHALES
[### & T - shirt & bumper sticker.  Probably the first form. The many variants include:  Nuke (the) Fags  <  Frats < Baby Seals < Iran < Humanity < Kooks < Shah < finals < Penguins < your mother.]
Nuke the gay baby whales [A later bumper sticker]

Consume raw lizard droppings.     Suck kitty balls.     Fuck off bird blot.     Drop the bomb!
Lick used tampons.     Scrofulous squid anus.     Eat / Scabby / Labia.
A cock is like a baby / The more you beat it / The messier things get.        Back off Bugaloo.
Fuck you [The most frequent graffito. One of many etymologies traces "fuck" to an Indo-European death threat, the sexual meaning coming after.]
Chinga tu madre!     Suck dog dicks.      Kill kill kill kill kill kill the poor.

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Lets kill together     Slaughter wildlife     I ate Flipper the dolphin.     I'm going human hunting.
I like drugs.  R: That's what the guy said who killed my cousin. R:  I killed your cousin because I wanted to see him suffer and drink his pain. But I also do a lot of drugs.

WHIMSY
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
Fish nipples     Pickle the people [in flag]         Lost faces.
Then came the last days of May.     FAHT     Was wasn't.     Android
Black hole just took my brain. R: Mine too.     Fry on you crazy diamond.     Cosmic debris
Center of universe. [PIC: arrow points to center of a spiral]     And fools forever.
Before and after science.     He he he he helium.     Schlotzie was here (or was it at the cabin?).
Evellyn the modified (< mummified) dog.     1=2        If I make it through . . .
Five more names that I can hardly stand to hear including yours and mine and one mole chimp who isn't here.
Help I'm shrinking. R: Are you small?     Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Bral Drone
My arrows are my / directions headed for / the stars / i think i'm spacing [PIC A-2a: arrows on plant]
Lost in Forever [PIC A-1b]
LOOK [PIC F-1b: The "O's" modified to eyes.]

................................................................. 1993 .................................................................
Mindcrime      Mindbomb       Flesh is more        Temple of the day
Neither neither nor both nor one nor the other.

WISHES
............................................................ 1979 - 1980 ............................................................
I wish people would once in a while open their eyes not to the world's problems but to the problems of their own inner identities.
Oh to be able to vomit on command.

I'd rather be: (1) fucking / (2) skiing / (3) drunk / (4) dead / (5) stoned / (6) 1,2,3,5.
[Respondents added #2 - #6. Common bumper sticker motif: "I'd rather be skiing < fishing < sailing < killing communists."]
I'd rather be picking.       I'd rather be in Nirvana.

I wish I were in LOVE.  < bed, < San Diego, < my car, < toxicated.
I wanna go home.        I want it all now.        I want out.
Peace, love & kind women. [1993]       Someday to walk a distant shore. [1993]

These are my top twenty choices.  Only original writings are considered.  Send me your choices (old or new categories) - items received  more than once will be added below.

MOST ENTERTAINING
(1) We have your vampire parties.
(2) My mother is too drunk to be an astronaut.
(3) I'm fucked mentally / so let's do it physically.

MOST HEALTHY
(1) Clean and sweet is my soul / Clean and sweet is all that is not my soul.
(2)  I feel like shit. R: I don't care. R: I do.  R: Me to.  R: Why?  R: Choice.
(3)  Drugs Rule ( ^ ants)

MOST SICK
(1) Let's kill together
(2) A cock is like a baby / The more you beat it / The messier things get.
(3) I like drugs.  R: That's what the guy said who killed my cousin. R:  I killed your cousin because I wanted to see him suffer and drink his pain. But I also do a lot of drugs.

MOST  WEIRD
(1)  Evil Candy Came
(2)  Schlotzie was here (or was it at the cabin?).
(3)  Five more names that I can hardly stand to hear including yours and mine and one mole chimp who isn't here.

BEST RESPONSE
(1) Help I'm shrinking. R: Are you small?
(2) Love sees no color. R: That is because it is blind.
(3)  Sit on my face. R: Oh go sit on your own face!

BEST DRAWING
(1) Dig Knowledge [C-1a]
(2) Prof. Weinphal  [E-1b]
(3) Lost in Forever [A-1b]

BEST SINGLE WORD SUBSTITUTION
All men are created equal (< evil).

MOST UNLIKELY TO EVER AGAIN BE INVENTED ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE
Eat No Dynamite. Why? Acid Harms Less.  [acrostic for ENDWAHL]

1. May 1968.    http://www.bopsecrets.org/CF/graffiti.htm
Entertaining collection of French graffiti (in English) from the period of the student rebellion.

2. British graffiti.  http://users.ox.ac.uk/~peter/humour/graffiti.html
Broad collection with interesting thematic groupings.

3. Jane M. Gadsby, "Looking at the Writing on the Wall." http://www.graffiti.org/faq/critical.review.html
Scholarly overview of the literature on graffiti and its methods.  Bibliography.

4. Bibliography Begun by Jane Gadsby.  http://www.graffiti.org/faq/graffiti_biblio.html

5. A Short History of "Writing."   http://users.aol.com/archive1/hist.html
Mostly on tagging and artistic graffiti. Links to same.

6. Art Crimes: the Writing on the Wall.  http://www.graffiti.org/
Key site for tagging and artistic graffiti.  Many links.

7. The "taglines" collection.  http://www.taglinesgalore.com/
A large collection of undocumented one-liners.

Email: Daniel W. VanArsdale    Comments are welcome. Of particular interest are: (1) corrections, (2) prior sources, (3) subsequent appearances as graffiti or in other media, (4) translations of the East Asian writings (H-1a to 3d) and (5) links to similar collections.

My  index page

Chain Letter Evolution.  (A history of paper chain letters using over 600 dated examples)

Uploaded August 9, 2000.   Counter added August 25, 2000.    Additions & links updated Nov. 6, 2007.

What is the truest word ever penciled?  Graphite.