Now Playing - "I'll Be There" dedicated to all of you who come here and are now my friends and family across the space of cyberdom and miles.


Date: June 6, 1997

My Final Journal Entry

Few people in the world are lucky enough to know their end is coming and to have the chance to say goodbye. Fewer still are lucky enough to have been touched by thousands with personal letters of support and love, phone calls of uplifting words and the great friendships I've found here. I am a lucky person. I am using this opportunity to write this ahead of time and to have it posted when I have left here. I could not leave all of you without saying goodbye in my way. So yes, if you are reading this, I have gone.
These months I've spent writing my journal, thinking no one would ever read it, have been the biggest learning experience. When I was beginning to think life was too hard and cold, you all came along, each with your own special gift, embracing me and showing me it can be done. You filled me with warmth. Humankind is not the bad some would have us believe it is and each one of you is living proof of the power of love.
I was not stronger than anyone, did not have harder problems than some of you, no braver, and certainly no Angel. I just happened to reach out and there you all were uplifting me by a cyber world of friends from all nations, of all races and all religions, each giving me bits of their own strength and courage. All courage you say you saw in me, came from you.
When I found out that this would be coming for me to leave this world and all of you, I knew I had to say my thank you and my I love you just as publicly as I have said everything else.
A kind woman began a candle for me months ago and brought thousands of you to me. You all shared yourselves unselfishly, because you are the love you give, you are all the light of the candle. That candle represents everybody who does not walk alone through life, whether ill or not. Please remember them and love them.
I know some of you may briefly think prayers weren't answered or be angry with God. Oh prayers were answered believe me. Miracles did happen for me, many of them, look at you all. And don't be angry with God because I am gone. To truly love someone is to want whats best for them and God knows what is right for me. You can't be angry when I am so happy with him. I have trusted in him all along, now you must too.
I'm sorry for all the emails I couldn't answer but I loved them all. I don't know how it was I inspired or moved some of you as you say but if I did then it was worth writing this publicly. And if any of you found the same renewed faith in humans that I did, or found a strength, well what better way could I have spent my last months?
I know some of you would wish to be a help to my family now. Please understand I'm sure they'll need their own time to grieve and let them contact you. We planned months ago a small memorial with family members and I understand many of you would want to send your condolences since you've showed such love for my family. We have all agreed that if you feel you want to send something, please do what we would want you to. If you live in the city, please find a homeless person and give them something, tell them they are loved. You may also volunteer an hour or two at a senior citizens home and spread love there. Every town has a church that needs donations of clothing you may home or canned goods for poor families, please give that with love. Any act done in love would honor my family. That is what would please me, to see you spread love.
In closing, never having died before (have to smile here), I can tell you is not the frightening thing we believe it to be. It is beautiful when done in God's time. It is tenfold more beautiful when one is surrounded with love. I love you all and am forever grateful you choose to share a part of my journey with me, making my load lighter. There are parts of journeys we must take alone and this was my part. Be there for each other, be the love I know you are and I am proud to have known each and every one of you. I love you.

Special Thanks to: My daughter who has given up many hours of mom's attention to the internet.