Facet # 5 Sexuality
This is a rather long excerpt from my Question and Answer page
entitled: "About Jesus
& Mary Magdalene-Jesus, sexuality, & the bible" This
was written in response to an e-mail that challenged the statement that
I made in my column Christ Conciousness that Jesus
and Mary Magdalene were mates. I include this part of that page here
because it deals with sexuality and the shame around sexuality that is
part of Western Civilization. This shame - and the gross imbalance
in regard to sexuality that was caused by the “flesh is weak and sinful”
beliefs promulgated by corrupt and hypocritical church leaders - has had
a profoundly adverse effect upon Romantic Relationships in Western culture.
From About Jesus & Mary Magdalene page:
"Here is an excerpt from my book about the bible.
"The teachings of all the Master Teachers, of all
the world’s religions, contain some Truth along with a lot of distortions
and lies. Discerning Truth is often like recovering treasure from
shipwrecks that have been sitting on the ocean floor for hundreds of years
- the grains of Truth, the nuggets of gold, have become encrusted with
garbage over the years.
As one example of this, I am going to discuss the
Bible for a moment, because it has been such a powerful force in shaping
the attitudes of Western Civilization.
The Bible contains Truth, much of it symbolic or
in parable form because most of the audience at the time it was written
had very little sophistication or imagination. They did not have
the tools and the knowledge we have access to now.
So the Bible does contain Truth it also contains
a lot of distortion. The Bible was translated many times. It
was translated by male Codependents.
I am going to share with you a short excerpt from
a recently published book. I have not read this book and cannot tell
you much about it. I have read a review of this book which appeared
in California magazine in November of 1990. What I am sharing here
is from that review.
I offer this to you: Not to say that this new
translation of the Bible is right and the old one is wrong it is for you
to decide which one feels more like Truth to you. I offer this as
I offer everything else that I am sharing here as an alternate perspective
for you to consider.
This book is called The Book of J. It was written
by two men - one of whom is a former head of the Jewish Publication Society,
the other is a professor of humanities at Yale University. What they
have done in this book is to extract what they believe is one voice from
the Old Testament. The Old Testament is a compilation of writings
by many different writers. That is why there are two conflicting
versions of the Creation in Genesis because it was written by two different
They have taken the voice of one of those writers,
gone back as far as they could to the original language, and translated
it from a different perspective.
Here is a short excerpt from the Old Testament as
an example of the difference between their translation and the traditional
version. The traditional version is taken from the King James Bible,
Genesis 3:16. It says: “And thy desire shall be to thy husband,
and he shall rule over thee.”
Sounds like the normal patriarchal, sexist tone in
which we have always accepted that the Bible was written.
Here is the new translation of the exact same phrase:
“To your man’s body your belly will rise, for he shall be eager above you.”
Now to me, “rule over you” and “eager above you”
mean two very different things - it actually seems pretty close to being
a 180 degree swing in perspective. This new translation sounds as
if there is nothing shameful about sex. As if maybe it is not bad
to have a normal human sex drive, maybe it is not True that the flesh is
weak and the spirit exists somewhere way out there.
The reviewer (Greil Marcus, California magazine,
November 1990, Vol. 15, No.11), without ever quite perceiving the shame
connection, says that this book “...is an act of violence...to what we
think we know.” He says that, “...it’s a great change, in the way
one sees the human condition.” He also states that, “The differences...are
many and profound...“ and include “... the replacement of ‘man became a
living soul’ with ‘man becomes a creature of flesh’ without the distinction
between soul and flesh, Christianity, or, as Michael Ventura calls it,
This retranslation shows that basic misconception
and misunderstanding may be at the heart, at the foundation of Western
Civilization, or to quote the reviewer, “In other words, the argument is
that within Jewish, Christian, and Islamic civilization, certainly within
Western Civilization, at its heart or at its foundation - is a ruin.”
What he could not quite put his finger on as the
act of violence against the very core of Jewish, Christian, and Islamic
civilization is that what this book seems to do is to take the shame out
of being human - of being creatures of flesh. There is no shame in
being human. We are not being punished by God. It just feels
like it sometimes.
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
This segues very nicely into:
You wrote (the person who sent the e-mail): “Would you be kind enough
to reply where in the Bible talks about Jesus having humanly desire with
Mary Magdalene or even displayed any indecency?”
That your response to my saying "Jesus also had sensual and sexual desires
and a mate and lover in Mary Magdalene." - is to equate this to indecency
brings up feelings of sadness for me. That one of God's greatest
gifts to us - the ability to Touch with Love - has been twisted in our
culture into something shameful and indecent is one of the great tragedies
of the human condition - in my view.
Here is a quote from my book about my beliefs:
"The gift of touch is an incredibly wonderful gift.
One of the reasons we are here is to touch each other physically as well
as Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Touch is not bad or shameful.
Our creator did not give us sensual and sexual sensations that feel so
wonderful just to set us up to fail some perverted, sadistic life test.
Any concept of god that includes the belief that the flesh and the Spirit
cannot be integrated, that we will be punished for honoring our powerful
human desires and needs, is - in my belief a sadly twisted, distorted,
and false concept that is reversed to the Truth of a Loving God-Force.
We need to strive for balance and integration in
our relationships. We need to touch in healthy, appropriate, emotionally
honest ways - so that we can honor our human bodies and the gift that is
Making Love is a celebration and a way of honoring
the Masculine and Feminine Energy of the Universe (and the masculine and
feminine energy within no matter what genders are involved), a way of honoring
its perfect interaction and harmony. It is a blessed way of honoring
the Creative Source.
One of the most blessed and beautiful gifts of being
in body is the ability to feel on a sensual level. Because we have
been doing human backwards, we have been deprived of the pleasure of enjoying
our bodies in a guilt-free, shame-free, manner. By striving for integration
and balance we can start to enjoy our human experience on a sensual
level as well as on the emotional, mental, and Spiritual levels.
As we learn the dance of Recovery, as we tune
into the energy of Truth, we can reverse our emotional experience of being
human so that most of the time it can feel more like a wonderful summer
camp than a dreadful prison."
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
So, I do not believe that the idea of Jesus having the desires
of a human male is indecent. Of course, the desires of human males
have been raging out of balance and with no Spiritual foundation or emotional
honesty for most of the history of this planet.
Here is a quote from my column Mothers Day:
"Women have been raped, not just physically by men, but also emotionally,
mentally, and spiritually by the belief systems of “civilization” (both
Western and Eastern) since the dawn of recorded history.
Those belief systems were the effect of planetary conditions which caused
the Spiritual beings in human body to have a perspective of life, and therefore
a relationship with life, that was polarized and reversed.
This reversed, black and white, perspective of life caused humans to develop
beliefs about the nature and purpose of life that were irrational, insane,
and just plain stupid.
As just one small but significant example of this stupid, insane belief
system, and the effect it had on determining the course of human development
including the scapegoating of women, consider the myth of Adam and Eve.
‘Poor’ Adam, who was just being a man (that is, he just wants to get in
Eve’s pants) does what Eve wants him to and eats the apple. So Eve
gets the blame. Now is that stupid or what? And you wondered where
The stupid, insane perspectives that form the foundation of civilized
society on this planet dictated the course of human evolution and caused
the human condition as we have inherited it. The human condition
was not caused by men, it was caused by planetary conditions! (If you want
to know more about those planetary conditions you’ll have to read my book.)
Men have been wounded by those planetary conditions just as much as women
(albeit in quite different ways.)”
Men are supposed to have a strong sexual drive and be strongly
attracted to women's bodies - it is part of the genetic programming to
insure the survival of the species. It is the nature of the male
animal of the human species to want to copulate with the female - that
does not mean that I am in any way condoning the gross imbalance and Spiritual
vacuum that has been manifested in human civilization around sex.
So males of the species are genetically programmed
to go around wanting to couple indiscriminately with females of the species
- while females of the species are genetically programmed to want to bond
to one man to produce children and then to protect and provide for her
and her children.
Part of the reason that there has been such an abusive and patriarchal
structure to civilized society is because men have been baffled, confused,
and scared of women since the dawn of recorded history. Women have
the power to conceive life. There is no greater or more important
power in the human species. A woman's ability to conceive and bring
forth life gives women an opportunity and capacity to experience Love in
a way no man ever can. Men have been jealous and terrified of the
power of that Love - and of the power of their own desire to unite with
and experience that Love - and reacted to their fear by attempting to subjugate,
dominate, and diminish the inherent power of women.
Everything on the physical plane is a reflection of other levels.
Ultimately, the emotional power behind the strong sexual and sensual desires
of human beings really has little to do with the actual physical act of
sex - the True compulsion to unite is about our wounded souls, about our
endless, aching need to go home to the God/Goddess Energy. We want
to reunite in ONENESS - in LOVE - because that is our True home.
Now, to come down from a metaphysical level to an individual personal
The abuse of my sexuality by the shaming religion I grew up in was compounded
and magnified by the shame and fear of sexuality I saw in my role models
and in society. I grew up in a society that reacted to a fundamental
underlying belief that "the flesh is weak" and was incompatible with "decency"
- at the same time it bowed to the power of the human sex drive by flaunting
sex everywhere. In advertising, in fashion, in the media, books and
music, etc. Talk about confusing and frustrating.
In addition to the shame about sexuality - I had shame about being a
man because of my fathers role modeling of what a man was, and societal
and historical role modeling of how dreadfully "man"kind had abused women,
children, and men, the weak and poor, anyone who was different, the planet,
etc., throughout civilized history.
I spent years in recovery working on healing my relationship with my
feminine energy and my inner children before it ever occurred to me that
I needed to heal my masculine. So now I have spent years also working
on healing my masculine. Part of that healing has been about accepting
my sexuality and the "male animal" in me. We need to embrace all
of the parts of ourselves in order to become whole.
It is only by owning and accepting our "dark" sides that we can start
to have a balanced relationship with ourselves. Just as I have to
accept that I have a "King Baby" (who wants immediate gratification now)
or a "romantic child" (who believes in fairy tales) or a fierce warrior
(who wants to vaporize stupid drivers) inside of me so that I can own them
and set boundaries for them - I have to accept that there is a "male animal"
in me who does want to copulate with most every attractive woman I see.
By owning that part of me I can set a boundary for it so that I am not
reacting in a way that causes me to be a victim of myself or to victimize
It is not shameful to be human. It is not shameful to have a sex
drive. It is not shameful to have emotional needs. Human beings
need to be touched. Way too many of us are starving for touch and
affection - and we have acted out sexually in dysfunctional ways to try
to get those needs met which often causes us to be bitter and resentful
(at the bottom of any resentment is the need to forgive ourselves.)
In our codependent extremes we swing between picking the wrong people and
isolating ourselves. We believe - because of our experience in reacting
out of our disease - that the only choices are between an unhealthy relationship
and being alone. It is tragic and sad.
It is tragic and sad that we live in a society where it is so hard for
people to connect in a healthy way. It tragic and sad that we live
in a society where so many people are touch deprived. But it is not
shameful. We are human. We are wounded. We are products of
the cultural environments we were raised in. We need to take the
shame out of our relationship with our selves, and all the parts of our
self, so that we can be healing our wounds enough to be able to make responsible
choices. (re - sponse - able, as in ability to respond instead of just
react our of old tapes and old wounds.)"
"About Jesus &
Mary Magdalene -Jesus, sexuality, & the bible"
Genetic programming that is thousands of years
out of date and unnecessary. We are set up by outmoded genetic programming
- on top of the cultural dysfunctional programming.
In regard to the inner child healing this male
animal usually shows up in a horny teenager - who is aided and abetted
in being willing to do anything to get laid by affection and touch starved
younger ages, and the romantic - which in emotionally stunted men often
takes on a romantic vision of self that has nothing to do with a connection
with the Princess. In other words, he wants to see himself as this
macho woman killer to fulfill his romantic fantasy of himself but it really
doesn’t have to do with a human emotional connection or intimacy - because
he is incapable of it.
In women this genetic set up can result in a woman
keeping a man around for the illusion of having a male protector and supporter.
I have worked with many women who not only didn’t need to be protected
and supported by a man, but they in fact were providing the bulk of
the support for the man. In the inner work the “maiden within”
- who is very romantic and believes in fairy tales - is the part of themselves
that women can set a boundary with so that they do not unconsciously buy
into the set up of the genetic programming.
Facet # 6 - Metaphysical
"What I have found is that in many instances even
though the levels that I can see, that I am conscious of, are mostly dysfunctional
- arising out of the false beliefs and fears of the disease of Codependence
- on deeper levels there are “right on” reasons for behaviors for which
I was judging myself.
As one simple example . . . when I started to learn
about Codependence, I used to really beat myself up because I found that
I was still looking for “her,” even though I had learned about some of
the dysfunctional levels of that longing.
I had learned that as long as I thought that I needed
someone else to make me happy and whole I was setting myself up to be a
victim. I had learned that I was not a frog who needed a princess
to kiss me in order to turn into a prince - that I am a prince already,
and just need to learn to accept that state of Grace, that princeness.
I had come to understand that those levels of my
longing were dysfunctional and Codependent - and I judged and shamed myself
because I could not let go of the longing for “her.”
But as my awakening progressed I realized that there
were “right on” reasons for that longing, for that “endless aching need”
that I felt.
One of those “right on” levels was that the longing
was a message concerning my very real need to attain some balance
between the masculine and feminine energy within me - which begets dysfunctional
behavior when it is projected, focused, outward as I had been taught to
do in childhood.
And on a much deeper level I came to understand
that I am - and have been, ever since polarization - looking for my twin
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
“From my earliest memories in this lifetime I had
experienced her occasional presence in my dreams. I have never been
able to retain a clear visual image of her upon awakening, but the echo
of the memory of how it felt to be with her has been with me always.
I very rarely brought it to conscious awareness, or spent time thinking
about her, but the sensation of her haunted me. I would catch myself
looking for her as I walked down a street or shopped in a store - anywhere
and everywhere. The looking was seldom a conscious process - it was
almost as if some part of my deepest being was always watching, always
When I began my recovery process, my healing, it
had been necessary for me to become conscious of the dysfunctional attitudes
I had learned about relationships in childhood. That was when I became
aware that on some levels my ‘looking for her’ was about the ‘princess
and frog’ syndrome. That is, the false belief that I needed a princess
to love me before I could be whole. It was society’s reversed perspective
on life that had led me to believe that someone outside of myself was necessary
to full-fill me. That attitude is dysfunctional because it is a set-up.
As long as I was giving other people the power to make me whole, I was
doomed to be a victim.
Once I started to erase the ‘old tapes’ about
needing some ‘her’ to make me okay, I started to awaken to the Truth that
Spiritually I am a prince. I started to realize that only through
healing my wounded soul could I become conscious of my wholeness.
When I committed myself to Spiritual purpose and growth, and let go of
the false belief that I needed some one else to ‘fix’ me, then I realized
that only in health and wholeness could I Truly give myself in a relationship.
Only by learning to access Love for myself could I share that Love with
It was after I accepted that I was the only person
who could ‘fix’ me, that I became aware of a deeper level from which the
‘looking for her’ impulse originated. I started to understand how
humans have attempted to apply Spiritual Truths to physical existence,
and how confused we had become because of this reversed thinking.
That was when I realized that, although the levels of thinking that I had
to find ‘her’ to be whole were dysfunctional, there was a deeper level
where the impulse came out of Truth. That Truth was that my soul
was looking for it’s other half. The polarization of the lower mind,
and subsequent reversal of the Earths energy field of consciousness, had
caused my twin soul and I to be torn apart sixty-six thousand years ago.
I came to realize that an important part of the evolutionary process was
the awakening of my soul to wholeness so that my twin soul and I could
be reunited. And that our reunion was not necessary for becoming
whole - but rather that becoming conscious of wholeness, of Oneness within,
was necessary for that reunion to take place.”
The Dance of the Wounded
Souls Trilogy Book 1 - "In the beginning . . . "
Everything is cause and effect. Everything comes from somewhere.
The dysfunctional, codependent, twisted, distorted perspective of Romantic
Relationships ultimately goes back to a longing for our twin soul.
We all have a twin soul. We each also have several soul mates.
It is not bad or wrong to long for them. It is dysfunctional for us to
expect them to show up in this lifetime - and if they do show up to expect
that that means everything will go smoothly. We have a lot of Karma
to settle - there is work to do to make any Romantic Relationship work
Facet # 7 - Reasons to take the Risk
Yes it is very, very sad that it is so hard to connect with another person
in a love relationship. And one of the difficult things about it
is that the only way to really learn how to do a relationship is in one.
We can have all the wonderful knowledge, counseling/therapy, healing work,
etc. but until we really try it out in a relationship we don’t get in touch
with the gut level wounds/buttons that are so painful. It takes a
lot of courage to take the risk of embarking on a relationship - to say
nothing of the time and energy it takes to get started getting to know
someone. Probably the hardest and most important part of is
being able to communicate. There are so many blocks to communication
such as 1. words having different meanings, 2. certain words being emotional
triggers - to say nothing of gestures, tone of voice, body language, etc.,
3. hearing things through our emotional filter instead of hearing what
the person is actually saying, 4. all of the people involved (both peoples
parents - alive or dead - every other person they have ever been in relationship
with, fantasy mates, etc.) and others.
Some of the things that I keep telling others (because I teach best
what I need most to learn) is that:
1. We need to know and tell ourselves that it is truly
better to love and lose than never love at all.
2. That there are no mistakes only lessons.
3. That everything is unfolding perfectly and there is
a Loving Higher Power who is guiding the process.
4. That the right people come into my life at the right
time (this does not necessarily mean a wonderful relationship - sometimes
it means the right person to teach us how to set boundaries or defend ourselves
or know when to walk away.)
5. That it is important to change our definition
of a successful relationship - a successful relationship is not necessarily
one that lasts for the rest of our lives, it is one that we learn and grow
It is a great risk to open up to and care about another person - and
we will feel hurt at times because hurt is part of life - but it is a risk
that is worth taking because if we never take the risk we can never be
"The chance of a relationship not only being an opportunity
for growth but also supportive and nurturing increases greatly if the person
we choose to get involved with is also on a Spiritual/healing path - because
it makes it so much easier to communicate. Doing the inner child
healing work and learning how to have internal boundaries increases the
potential of the relationship by a extraordinary percentage because the
terrified part of us is our inner children who were so wounded by the ones
they loved in early childhood - and the same is true of the other person.
If both people are working on their issues then there will be a much richer
and more rewarding experience - but it will take a lot of work. There
is not going to be some fairy tale ending and that is sad and angering
- but at least we have tools and knowledge now that can help us have a
better shot at a Loving relationship."
Q & A #
on Romantic Commitment by Robert Burney
"The Abundance of Love and Joy that you can help
each other to feel by coming together - are vibrational levels that you
then each will be able to access within yourself. You are helping
each other to remember how to access that Love - helping each other to
remember what it feels like and that Yes you do deserve it.
It is very important to remember that so that
you can Let Go. Let Go of believing that the other person has to
be in your life . . . ."
"The more you do your healing and follow your
Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to
Truly be present in the moment.
And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace
and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.
In any specific moment you will have the power
to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been
hurt and as if the Love will never go away.
Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless
abandon you can embrace the Love and Joy in the moment.
Glory in it!"
Codependence Recovery is not self-help. We are being guided.
The Force is with us! The Spirit is guiding us down our path. Romantic
Relationships are one of the most important arenas of Spiritual growth
available to us - it is important to our souls to be willing to take the
risk of Loving and losing.
And what is vital to being willing to take the risk is take the shame
and judgment of the process. We were powerless over the choices we
made in the past.
"As long as we are judging and shaming ourselves
we are giving power to the disease. We are feeding the monster that
is devouring us.
We need to take responsibility without taking the
blame. We need to own and honor the feelings without being a victim
We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner
children - and STOP them from controlling our lives. STOP them from
driving the bus! Children are not supposed to drive, they are not
supposed to be in control.
And they are not supposed to be abused and abandoned.
We have been doing it backwards. We abandoned and abused our inner
children. Locked them in a dark place within us. And at the
same time let the children drive the bus - let the children's wounds dictate
We were powerless out of ego-self to do anything
any different than we did it. We are powerless out of ego-self to
heal this disease. Through Spiritual Self, through our Spiritual
Connection, we have access to all the power in the Universe.
We need to have the willingness: willingness to
get to a new level of self-honesty; willingness to start listening to the
Loving inner voice instead of the shaming ones; willingness to face the
terror of healing the emotional wounds."
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
To order a copy of Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney
to ordering information page.