Quotations in maroon are from
The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney (Copyright 1995). Quotations
from columns & articles (Copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999) written
by Mr. Burney are noted and in blue text. Blue text material that is not
in quotes is from Robert's upcoming book Wounded Souls Dancing in the
Light (Copyright 1998) unless otherwise noted.
are several authors quoted in excerpts from The Dance of Wounded Souls,
those are noted with copyright acknowledgment at the end of the applicable
Grief Process Techniques
"The way to stop reacting out of our inner children
is to release the stored emotional energy from our childhoods by doing
the grief work that will heal our wounds. The only effective, long term
way to clear our emotional process - to clear the inner channel to Truth
which exists in all of us - is to grieve the wounds which we suffered as
children. The most important single tool, the tool which is vital to changing
behavior patterns and attitudes in this healing transformation, is the
grief process. The process of grieving."
(All quotes in this color are from
The Dance of Wounded Souls)
In order to do the inner child work we need to be willing to do
the grief work.
"We are all carrying around repressed pain, terror,
shame, and rage energy from our childhoods, whether it was twenty years
ago or fifty years ago. We have this grief energy within us even if we
came from a relatively healthy family, because this society is emotionally
dishonest and dysfunctional."
Emotions are energy and that energy needs to be released through crying
We need to own our feelings about what happened to us.
We need to own our right to be angry that our needs were not met.
Grief is energy that needs to be released. We need to give our self
permission to feel our pain, sadness, & rage. We need to own and honor
Part of grief work is simply owning the sadness and the anger.
We need to own the grief about what happened to us as children - and
then we also need to own the grief over what effect it has had on us as
Grieving is a very different experience from being depressed.
"It is when we start understanding the cause and
effect relationship between what happened to the child that we were, and
the effect it had on the adult we became, that we can Truly start to forgive
ourselves. It is only when we start understanding on an emotional level,
on a gut level, that we were powerless to do anything any differently than
we did that we can Truly start to Love ourselves."
While we are grieving we can still appreciate a beautiful sunset or
be happy to see a friend or be grateful to be sad.
Depression is being in a dark tunnel where there are no beautiful sunsets.
The deep grieving work is energy work. Once we can get out of our heads
and start paying attention to what is happening in our body - then we can
start releasing the emotional energy. When we get to a place where the
emotions are coming up - when the voice starts breaking - the first thing
I have to tell people is to keep breathing. We automatically stop breathing
and close our throats when the feelings get close to the surface.
At that point the technique is to locate where the energy is concentrated
in the body - it can be any place from head to feet - much of the time
it is in our back because that is where we carry stuff we don't want to
look at, or in the area of the solar plexus (anger or fear) or heart chakra
(pain, broken heart) or chest (sadness) - then the individual breathes
directly into that place. Visualizes breathing white light into that part
of the body. That starts breaking up the energy and little pieces of energy
start getting released. These balls of energy are the sobs. This is a terrifying
place to be for the ego because it feels out of control - it is a wonderful
place to be from a healing perspective. Empowering the healing is going
with the flow - inhale the white Light, exhale the sobs. Sobs, tears, snot
from the nose, are all forms of energy being released. You can be in the
witness watching yourself and controlling the process at the same time
you are in the pain and releasing it.
By controlling the process I am referring to choosing to align self
with the energy flow, surrendering to the flow, instead of shutting it
down as the terrified ego wants to do. It is very hard to learn this process
without a safe place to do it, and someone who knows what they are doing
to facilitate it. Once you have learned how to do it then it is possible
to facilitate your own grief processing.
The anger work is also an energy flow process. The bat (tennis racket,
bataka, pillow, whatever) is lifted over the head as you inhale and then
as you hit the pillow you expel the energy - in shout, a grunt, a "fuck
you", a scream, whatever words come to you. Inhale, exhale - open your
throat to say whatever needs to be said.
It is vitally important for us to own our right to be angry about
what happened to us or about the ways we were deprived. If we do not own
our right to be angry about what happened in childhood it greatly impairs
our ability to set boundaries as an adult.
Own your voice.
Own the child's voice.
It is terrifying to face healing the emotional wounds. It takes
great courage and faith to do the grief work.
"We need to own and release the anger and rage at
our parents, our teachers or ministers or other authority figures, including
the concept of God that was forced on us while we were growing up. We do
not necessarily need to vent that anger directly to them but we need to
release the energy. We need to let that child inside of us scream, "I hate
you, I hate you," while we beat on pillows or some such thing, because
that is how a child expresses anger.
That does not mean that we have to buy into the attitude
that they are to blame for everything. We are talking about balance between
the emotional and mental here again. Blame has to do with attitudes, with
buying into the false beliefs - it does not really have anything to do
with the process of releasing the emotional energy."
The only real way to do it is with a Spiritual Program.
Recovery is not "self-help" - we are not doing this work alone.
Our Spirit is guiding us.
The Force is with us.
Therapy that fosters dependence and does not include emotional
release is not very healing.
"There is no quick fix! Understanding the process
does not replace going through it! There is no magic pill, there is no
magic book, there is no guru or channeled entity that can make it possible
to avoid the journey within, the journey through the feelings.
No one outside of Self (True, Spiritual Self) is
going to magically heal us.
There is not going to be some alien E.T. landing
in a spaceship singing, "Turn on your heart light," who is going to magically
heal us all.
The only one who can turn on your heart light is
you. The only one who can give your inner children healthy parenting is
you. The only healer who can heal you is within you.
Now we all need help along the way. We all need guidance
and support. And it is a vitally important part of the healing process
to learn to ask for help.
It is also a vital part of the process to learn discernment.
To learn to ask for help and guidance from people who are trustworthy,
people who will not betray, abandon, shame, and abuse you. That means friends
who will not abuse and betray you. That means counselors and therapists
who will not judge and shame you and project their issues onto you."
"Psychoanalysis addressed these issues only on the
intellectual level - not on the emotional healing level. As a result, a
person could go to psychoanalysis weekly for twenty years and still be
repeating the same behavior patterns."
"Our mental health system not only does not promote
healing - it actually blocks the process. The mental health system in this
country is designed to get your behavior and emotions under control so
that you can fit back into the dysfunctional system.
Drugs that are designed to disconnect you from your
feelings block the healing process. Mental health professionals who need
to have you see them regularly in order to be financially supported, need
to have you be dependent upon them, need to keep you a patient in order
Learning is remembering.
Teaching is reminding others that they can remember too.
"No one outside of you can define for you what your
Nothing outside of you can bring you True fulfillment.
You can only be fully filled by accessing the transcendent Truth that already
This Age of Healing and Joy is a time for each individual
to access the Truth within. It is not a time for gurus or cults or channeled
entities, or anyone else, to tell you who you are.
Outside agencies - other people, channeled entities,
this book - can only remind you of what you already know on some level.
Accessing your own Truth is remembering.
It is following your own path.
It is finding your bliss."
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